VCU Community Enrichment bike project, still working on the text layout. Working with a few other VCU students on the project. When we’re all done, these signs and a few videos will be used to educate bicyclists in Richmond on the proper safety techniques for urban biking. The signs will go up in a special area of Belle Isle along the James River.
The idea is to convey the maneuvers in a way that relies on almost no written words, and can be supported by the videos to not only aid classes that are held on Belle Isle but also by people who visit the course on their own.
Sketches from the past two or three days. A bird pooped on me in the park near Crossroads Coffee shop, but I hear that’s good luck.
So I’m doing a really deep and honest post that’s only supposed to go to my professor… but I’m doing my best to embrace the notion that information should be free and that all of this information is who I was, and though it does contribute to who I am, it will not define who I will be in the days to come. So, I warn this is honest and possibly boring haha, but if you want to read it all, feel free. My name is Allen Warner White…
Questions
What are the 10 most decisive moments* that have occurred in your life?
How many lives does it take to save a man?
All of these things have led to my belief that now is the time that I need to take control of my life and overcome the situations that the universe hands me.
Even bad situations can be good.
1. My parents getting a divorce.
This event didn’t shock me. Both my sister and I knew that it would happen and we were almost relieved that the tension in our toxic home would have a chance to dissipate. the family I grew up in was ultimately a negative one, from grandparents to siblings, every interaction was marked by sarcastic remarks by fragile people that wanted nothing than love from each other, not sure of how to express it. I now realize that negativity begets negativity and being a positive person who shows interest in others is the only way to be healthy and maintain personally fulfilling relationships.
Love others to be loved.
2. Fucked up relationships.
A series of messy relationship caused by both parties. These have led to the understanding that I need to focus a lot more on developing myself rather than being focused on someone else. I now know that the only important thing is to be proud of who I am and what decisions I make, something that I am working at daily.
Take stock in yourself; it’s the only way to see any kind of return on your investment.
3. Moving around as a kid.
I have never been good at social things and have a tendency to pull away from others when around others my age. Connections have never really been easy for me, so I was usually excited to move to a new place. To me it was a chance to start over. But as a result I became really good at the beginnings of meeting people and having friends, but lacked the endurance to form lasting ties. I hope to continue learning how to form deep bonds, as well as casual acquaintances.
The long haul takes more energy but gets you much farther.
4. People dying.
I’ve never been heavily affected by people around me dying. I know this sounds pretty weird, and it is, but noticing that I never reacted the way that other people did around me to death made me start questioning just how different I am. It seems that the answer is quite a bit in just the right/wrong areas. I’m not creepy or anything, but I guess this part of my personality showed me that I rarely form very close bonds with people. Knowing this, I can take even more value in the relationships that I do care about, and work on growing closer with more people in my life.
I’m not like other people, I’ve noticed.
5. Being diagnosed with ADD and Major Clinical Depression.
This factor of my life has really made life hard at times. I don’t know if I believe the ADD part as much, but when I was a kid I had a shit load of trouble in school, something that almost held me back from high school. I went through life not caring about most things. It really didn’t matter how much my parents or anyone else threatened me, I wouldn’t do the work. What did I do in the time that I wasn’t doing my homework? Well to be honest, I played music, drew, and hated myself. It seems weird to list as an activity, but it seems like my brain made a pretty solid effort to critique, poke fun at, and hate on myself every single chance it got. Everything I did was made that much more difficult by the fact that I was constantly blocking myself in my own mind from enjoying things. This has been one of the biggest battles in my life… learning to cope with and overcome my natural disposition.
But I’m getting better every day.
6. Sports.
My parents cared about me and wanted me to get out of the house, so I was forced to explore various activities. My parents introduced me to horseback riding, gymnastics, karate, soccer, wrestling, biking, and other things in the interest of my health and mental wellbeing. I, like the brat that I was, resented them for making me do most of these things. Sounds like a pretty good problem to have, I know, but I guess this all just reinforces the idea that I was unhealthy as a young person and that I pushed away even those who were working hard to help me.
For every action there is an equal, but opposite, reaction.
7. Teachers taking interest in me.
I’m not exactly sure why, but throughout my entire life, people have taken some sort of a special interest in me. Though I don’t connect well with most, teachers always seemed to go out of their ways to help me succeed and feel accepted. I know that I’ve been a pretty big drain on some of those people. The amount of energy that some of them have put into helping me has been enormous. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to thank them enough for their contributions to the “Keep Allen Going Foundation”, but no matter what I have made a promise to myself to help others the way that I was once helped.
8. Being placed in “gifted and talented programs”, magnet science and math school, and other above average programs.
People have always thought that I was special or gifted in different ways, and have helped me get into places where only the brightest in the community go. I’ve pretty much always failed these programs and left people disappointed with me. Not that it’s all about what other people think, but the disjointed feelings of being told your great and then that you suck at being great has always affected me in a strange way. I’m not sure if it’s because of this or the hope that maybe I really do have a great unseen potential, but my series of failures in these programs have helped push me to find out just how great I can be. So I’m in advertising, and the funny thing is that I guess deep inside I think that my life is the biggest pitch and brand project ever, only the client is myself. If I can sell myself on the idea that I’m a good person that can work through problems, innovate, create, and love, I’ll have become one of the greatest salesmen ever.
Improving the brand offering is key. Advertising is salvation.
9. Not making it into the VCU Arts Program.
I moved to Richmond, having just graduated from an associate’s program in Roanoke, Virginia, with no idea of my status of acceptance into VCU or the arts program. After finding out that I didn’t make the cut, I had to deal with the idea that I wasn’t as good as people had said in my youth. This was difficult and I failed to realize that all it meant that this was my chance to prove myself and improve until I completed my goal, but I guess I didn’t want it enough. This is where I switched to the school of Mass Communications. The entire process of being rejected and then going to school for advertising set into motion a series of defining moments in my life that would force me to abandon who I thought I was and had been in search of who I really was and wanted to become.
Learning requires you to change the way you think.
10. Being born into a lower-middle class family in the richest nation in the world.
I’ve had it good. Compared to the vast majority of humans on the Earth both past and present, I’ve had a great deal. I complain about being sad and all of my problems, but ultimately, I will never ever know what some people have to go through. Also, the fact that I am a white male in this day and age means that I also have another advantage. All of this has a weird effect on you, when you know you don’t have it bad at all but that you’re crushed when a girl doesn’t like you… while some kid in another country is dying of hunger and unclean It’s pretty backwards.
What are the 7 most critical choices* you’ve made in your life so far?
1. Deciding to get an abortion with a girl I had dated for a long time while simultaneously telling her that I honestly didn’t want to be with her anymore. That was a terribly difficult decision that still weighs heavily on my mind to this day.
2. Deciding to go into debt to the tune of over $100,000 to attend undergraduate and graduate studies while being slightly unsure of my capabilities and promise in the field of advertising.
3. Deciding not to take medication for my ADD and Major Medical Depression because I want to do it on my own and learn to cope with how I am naturally. The funniest part is that this could all be the long trip to arrive at the understanding that I simply can’t make it without pills… I hope that this is not the case, and that I can find the courage and strength to overcome my shortcomings. I feel that no matter how hard it is, I would much rather fail while working hard to overcome things rather than taking the easiest way.
4. To be lazy. Sometimes the power of the urge to do nothing or to sit and do things that I know are not in my interest is too powerful to overcome (This is an excuse). Nonetheless it is a decision and I find that this decision is a consistent theme for me, a battle in which I battle sloth in the interest of self. When i have nightmares, its usually an intense feeling of sloth that haunts me (literally).I suppose that it’s really like two versions of me fighting for their own survival and self interest. I am faced with the same decision every day. will I make the most critical choice?
5. Questioning my religion. Though I have no prescribed religion at present, I realized how hypocritical the people were around me when I began to ask questions. I have never been one to accept popular answers, and when it comes to questions that pertain to my soul and everlasting energy, I am not one to make snap judgements.
6. Playing music every day, writing songs almost every day for years straight. Not only has this helped solidify the idea that I need to do something that involves creation in my mind, it has also let me know that I am possible of prolonged expenditures of energy in the pursuit of that creation. Not only can I withstand the pressure of creating constantly, I thrive off of it. I’ve also come to realize that, though I may not have the best sense of design, I have a sensitivity and perception of stimuli that the general population doesn’t posses.
7. Sports. I love being in motion. Feeling the brute force of gravity, inertia, friction, and danger. It is in doing high-intensity activities that we are one with existence and are able to experience not only the rawness of the physical world, but also are allowed a chance to become observers of ourselves in the moment. Sports are a mirror, just like anything else. The difference is that when you’re bombing a hill on a bike at 30 mph or doing flips ten feet up behind a boat, the results and reaction that you observe are magnified. Entire sagas play out in fractions of a second as you instantaneously dodge a car in traffic. Each time I do something physical it becomes a social, physical, and philosophical experiment with thousands of results becoming apparent constantly.
Who are the 5 individuals that have influenced you the most in your life?
1. Mom
2. Dad
3. Sister
4. Self
5. Interchangeable best friend or mentor (no single source has been most influential over others, though they have all had a profound impact on me)
New journal!! It’s the first time I’ve ever had a landscape journal. I’m excited to add to my journal collection. I’m always looking for new and unusual sketchbooks of all shapes and sizes.
Some of the sketches are from the Brandcenter, some are from sketching with my friend Rachel Maves (VCU Illustration student).
My to-do list. I thought I’d include an X (expected) and A (actual) column to start getting abetter understanding of how long things are and should be taking me.
Mood board for ourselves in our Creative Thinking class. Others were designed a little better, but I still like mine. My version is pretty personal.
